you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
