Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
