4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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