i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
