Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
