Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
