Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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