So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
