some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
