tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
