Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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