i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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