hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
