quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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