I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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