I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
