Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
