I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
