ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
