im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
