Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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