i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
