my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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