you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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