ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
