Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
