it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
