I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
