I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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