you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
