So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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