i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
