Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
