idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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