You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
