There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
