Acid is not a monday night drug
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
