And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
