pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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