I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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