Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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