dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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