What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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