Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize