There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
