If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
