I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
