so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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