Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
