someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
