I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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