I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
