so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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