I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
