you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
