no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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