she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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