I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
