I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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