I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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