please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
