I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
