i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
