Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
