Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This house was built for laser tag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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