and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
