Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
smell my finger.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
