I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
