there's paper in my vomit.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
