He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize