You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
