Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
