I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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