I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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