the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
