I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
