census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize