yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
