farters have to be the big spoon...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
