I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
