If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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