3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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