Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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